Toddler Sleep

How much sleep does my toddler need?

All children are different, so when it comes to sleep, some toddlers will sleep more and others less.

From 12 months to 3 years, your child will need to sleep around 12-13 hours each day over a 24 hour period. This includes one long overnight sleep and one or two day sleeps depending on their age and needs.

Some children at this age won't need a day sleep. If your child is happy and displays no tired signs, they may be able to get through the day without a day sleep. You could also give them a shorter nap or some quiet time. 

What are the tired signs for a toddler?

Watch your toddler for signs of tiredness as they can quickly become an  overtired toddler. Some signs they're getting tired include:

• Clumsiness
• Being easily frustrated
• Not being able to concentrate
• Irritable or restless
• Glazed, dull eyes
• Heavy eyelids
• Yawning
• Clinginess
• Demands for constant attention
• Sucking thumb or dummy
• Searching for their comforter

You could respond to these tired signs is by reducing stimulation. For example, you could put their toys away, talk quietly, close the curtains and turn off the lights. 

Name the feeling of being tired and tell them this means it’s time to go to bed and have a sleep.

How to get a toddler to sleep

It's important to introduce a bedtime routine to help your child wind down. Toddlers need a comforting routine each evening that signals it’s the end of the day and time for their long night-time sleep. 

What to do when your toddler won't sleep

If your toddler is struggling to fall asleep or they're upset, pick them up and give them a cuddle. Check their nappy then try again to put them to bed. 

You may need to sit in their room while they fall asleep. You can gradually move away over a period of weeks until they have the confidence to fall asleep without you. This is called the Gradual Withdrawal technique.

Step 1. Sit close to the bed holding your toddler’s hand. Give them plenty of comforting touch.

Step 2. Sit close to the bed and use your voice for comfort. 

Step 3. Start to move the chair away from the bed. Keep using your voice for comfort.

Step 4. Sit quietly in the chair using your calming presence for comfort. 

Step 5. Move the chair to the doorway, continuing to use your comforting presence and voice.

Step 6. Move the chair outside the door. Have a part of your body in sight and use your voice to reassure. 

Step 7. Leave for short times, telling your child you are doing something and will come back. Always come back and praise your child for staying in bed. This will build trust. 

If your toddler has some separation anxiety, you may need to sleep in the same room to reassure them. This is called Parental Presence.

Other strategies if your toddler won't sleep

If your toddler won't sleep and is distressed and crying, here are some responsive settling techniques to help you. 

• Talk gently and calmly to reassure them. You could play some calming music or quietly say 'it's time for sleep’ to encourage a state of calm.
• Sit close to the bed and be a comforting presence.
• Touch, stroke or gently pat them.
• Allow your toddler to touch you or you could hold hands. 
• Give them their dummy or a comforting toy to hold. 
• Cuddle.
• Offer a drink of water.

Pause between each step and assess their response. Do they need more comfort or are they ready to find a space to find a sleeping position?

Children find repetition soothing, so try each step for a little while before moving onto the next one. How long it takes to calm your child will decrease as your child learns to self settle.

My three year old is still not sleeping through the night

We know how difficult it is when your toddler isn't sleeping through the night. Not only does it affect your sleep and how you function during the day but it can impact the whole family.

When you hear your toddler cry out overnight, here are some things to try. 

• Pause, listen and work out if your toddler is awake or just noisy in active sleep.
• If your toddler is awake, do they need your help or are they just grizzling or fussing? 
• If they're crying and need your help, start with a calming voice from your bed. Reassure her “Mummy’s here”, then set a limit. “It’s still night time. Back to sleep”
• Walk slowly to their room, use your calming voice from the doorway. Continue repeating the same phrase in a quiet, gentle voice.
• Walk closer to the bed, be a calming presence.
• Use gentle touch to calm, offer a dummy and give a cuddle if needed.
• If your toddler walks into your room, calmly and firmly return them to bed.
• You may need to sit by the bed to calm them.

Checking in with your own emotions

It is so hard when your toddler isn't sleeping. Emotions influence your behaviour but when you're not getting enough sleep, it can be almost impossible to manage those feelings.

When you're feeling stressed, try to pause and take a few slow breaths. This will help you calm, then you'll find it easier to work out what your toddler needs.

Your toddler relies on you to feel safe enough to separate for sleep.